Introduction to this Translation
This translation was written after I heard good things about this series – and I looked over and saw the horrendous translation on Baka Tsuki with its splotches of verbal soup and weird grammar everywhere. Thus, what I decided to do was to give it a shot. I used that version as a crutch combined with the Japanese text.
Before I started with this translation – I prayed to the tripartite writing gods of JD Salinger, Ray Bradbury, and Mickey Spillane. My rendition of the text is DEFINITELY NOT the same in feeling as the original text. I aimed for punchy prose with loads of weird verbal tics like some roughed-up adolescent who watched too many mafia movies in his spare time. I also added extra stuff and translated character voices from my own archetypes. I have several character voice archetypes that I developed while writing, and it helps me to vary the voices throughout my stuff.
But, it’s all in good fun. Anyway – enjoy the ride!
Introduction & Prologue
I thought my father was an idiot.
In any case, he was a drunk & guzzling gambler. A dirty Don Juan despite being a married man – with kids to boot. Thanks to that, mom cried & cried and hardship upon hardship was stacked on her. So… I saw him as an enemy – and I hated him, avoided his touch, and smacked the shit out of him whenever I could.
Though, there was one point in a who-knows how long ago – when the old man came down with what seemed like some sincerity of feeling and said something like this:
“Hey kiddo. You’re gonna find the woman of your dreams soon enough. Listen here kid – treat her well!”
Don’t you dare tell me that you sleazebag.
The old man must have known that I felt that way. He gave an awkward face, and then pondered a bit, and then seemed to be angry, and then returned back to his sincere face once again.
This was what he said next:
“Look here kid. I staked my life for your mom back in the day. You know what. I’ve been staking it out too – all the way till today. Yep. Staking it all the while.”
That reply convinced me not one bit. 0%. No sales power.
Never seen you do that even a fraction of the time I’ve been around!
By the way, all that happened in the height of summer. The temperature broke 30 Celsius every single day – it was a goddamn record-breaking summer. And, by the way, the old man – who didn’t like the heat – was stripped to his single set of blue & white-striped undies.
When I saw that – I thought: Yep – 0% selling power. This guy wouldn’t even be able to convince a beggar to take a million bucks.
Well, thinking back, those lines stank of bullshit but it must have come straight from his heart. Probably. And yeah… at that point in time his eyes – despite being polluted from the long years of eager debauchery – had some kind of glimmer left in them. He had the same look when he bet on the races – and so those were damned as hell his honest eyes.
Some wise old dude said this once:
“He who tells the truth – must, the greatest idiot, be.”
And that dude who left this saying was damned right all along.
I know that now.
My old man was right.
I know that because it’s Now.
And maybe I know it with slightly jaded eyes.
You could say those eyes came due to stuff like this:
No matter what you think – honest, swear to god – I threw that magazine in Rika’s face purely by freak chance.
There was a cool-looking comic by some mangaka, and so I took the magazine with that manga in it from the rack and headed over to her room. Lately, Rika had been miffed for some reason, and I guess I wanted to make her feel better or something. Even just a little. I was so damn heartfelt that I could cry at my own bleeding heart. I was like a pup wagging my tail around – on a leash.
But what she gave me back for that wasn’t a –
Or even a –
Or even goddamn –
“Youichi, you’re just the kindest guy!”
No. None of that.
I got attacked with fruit.
More precisely – oranges.
To explain it better, when I entered her room – an orange fell on my head. In other words, she’d taken that kinda get-well soon fruit that people liked to give, picked out an orange, and stuck it at the top of the door – the old tactic.
Like some drama from long ago.
The precariously placed blackboard eraser trick.
Yea, it was like that kinda old trap.
And the dunce that I was fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Ate it all up like a damn fool you could say. But, when that attack came down on me I was flustered and the magazine in my hand just straight-up flew out – straight at my little princess sitting on her bed.
So I say it again – it was all a damn coincidence.
Or rather, this was all the work of the holy guy up there – holding that cheeky little missy responsible for her little tricks. But, even then…
Nope. She didn’t think that at all.
“JEEZ! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN…?”
In that pissy state, Rika – all red and clutching her nose – commenced her orange barrage. One sir-ree, two sir-ree, three sir-ree – it all came down in successive lobs. Woah woah WOAH – while screaming like that I caught them one-by-one. But by the fourth, my hands were all tied up – and the fifth hit me right on the smacker.
That was my losing cry as I sank down.
When she saw that, she joyously screamed:
“Hur-rah! Now you know not to mess with me!”
Isn’t that a shitty story?
But that kinda thing won’t ever let me down. I’m never going down – not even if I get discouraged and I feel the shit in my gut.
That was when the old man’s old words came back to me.
Let me just say this one thing.
This is just a stupidly boring story.
Just a stupid boy meets girl story.
That’s all you need to know – nothing else.
Although – honestly… a lot of stuff happened. But if you were to compare that stuff to all the really serious shit going on all over the world, like the several hundreds and thousands dying from hunger, or some shitty dictator unleashing a boatload of war on innocent civvies, or some kind of bad economic slump – it’s like comparing mountains and molehills.
So, this is just a totally boring story.
But, to us – it was something big.
No. To be even more correct…
To us, it was the biggest damned thing in the world.